Loss
by Challenger2011
Summary: Rocket's life revolves around a list of people that fate seems determined to take away.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**A/N: I wrote this shortly after I first watched Infinity War, but never got around to posting it on here. As a result, this doesn't exactly line up with how things went down in Endgame, but I still like it anyway. **

* * *

Rocket has a list. It's not something he'd ever admit to, and it's not something he'd write down, but he has one. It's the "People I Care About Who Care About Me" list. It's a small list and one that his life revolves around.

For the longest time, the only name on that list was Groot. Groot was the first person to not act like he was some kind of freak of nature. The Flora Colossus had his back, and Rocket was extremely grateful for that – even if he didn't always act like it. He trusted Groot to an extent, but he also didn't trust that Groot would stay around. No one had cared about him before. All they had cared about was taking him apart and putting him back together, and because of that, he didn't trust people to actually give a crap about him. It was better to act like he didn't care and push people away. No one would have a chance to hurt him that way.

Except, Groot did stay. He did care. And Rocket cared back. He didn't always show it or act like it, but Groot knew. They were best friends. Groot was going to have his back and protect him, and Rocket would do the same for him.

And then they met Quill, Gamora, and Drax. Rocket didn't like them, didn't trust them, but they were going to get him a big pay day, so they'd stick with them until they got paid. And then, slowly, they started to work their way onto the list. They saved the galaxy together, and well, it was kind of hard to part with someone after that. Especially since, during that, he lost Groot and a second list was born. The "People I Care About Who Are Dead" list.

Groot came back, except that he didn't. It wasn't his idiot, but it was still Groot. Only he was a baby, and he didn't remember him, didn't know any of them. He was alone again, even though he wasn't. So he did what he did best, he acted like he didn't care and pushed people away. The difference was that this time it was working. At least for the most part. It still didn't bother Groot, some things about his best friend apparently still existed.

The others though… They got mad, they got annoyed, and he really was going to push them away. They met Quill's dad, and Rocket got stuck fixing the ship and watching Groot and making sure Nebula didn't escape, while they went off with him. And then the Ravagers found them, they got captured and caught up in a mutiny, and somehow through all that Rocket ended up with another idiot for his list. Yondu understood him in a way the others couldn't, and he forced Rocket to take a good, hard look in the mirror.

And then Yondu ended up on the second list, and Rocket made the decision that he was going to do better. He stopped pushing, he tried to show that he cared more. There were still days that he messed up, but the others seemed more understanding. He added Mantis to his list, and some days he considered adding Kraglin as well (he wasn't that close with Yondu's first mate, not like Peter was, but he didn't seem that bad). Nebula floated on the outskirts. Rocket still didn't fully trust her, but she wasn't trying to kill them anymore, so maybe she wasn't quite as bad.

Things were good.

Now, not so much.

Losing Groot is somehow worse the second time around. Maybe it's because this Groot is still a kid, or maybe it's because there's nothing left of him. There's no twig he can regrow from. There's just dust, and Rocket's pretty sure Groot can't come back from dust.

At some point, Thor sits down next to him. If things had gone better, Rocket might have considered adding the Asgardian to his list. But right now, part of him wants to blame him for Groot disappearing. Thor was supposed to kill Thanos, not let him wipe out half the universe. Rocket knows that's what happened. He heard what Gamora said, and the fact that Groot's not the only one around them who's gone is proof that Thanos just won.

"I'm sorry, Rabbit."

Part of Rocket wants to shout and scream at Thor, but for some reason, he just can't.

"He's not supposed to be gone." Is what he says instead. "There's supposed to be something he can grow back from. There's nothing."

"Tree has died before?" Thor sounds confused, and concerned. Rocket doesn't care.

"Once."

"It never gets easier." And then Rocket remembers what Thor had said before about his brother, so he supposes that he understands better than most. He doesn't say anything though. He tries to think of what he's going to tell the others.

Deep down, a part of him knows that Groot's not the only one he lost. With as many people that just disappeared, the odds aren't great that the rest had all been spared. He ignores that thought though. He denies it. There's no way that all of his idiots are dead.

* * *

It takes a day for him to realize how much he hates Earth. Wakanda is apparently the most advanced place on the planet, and it's still nearly impossible for him to get some type of message to the rest of the Guardians. If they're picking up any of his messages, they apparently can't respond. Or they can't hear him. So Rocket ultimately settles on sending the coordinates to Wakanda over and over again. Hopefully, it'll lead them back to him.

And it works.

Two days later, the Benatar lands outside and Rocket is the first one out there to it. He watches as Neubla steps off, helping some injured human. Someone behind him shouts "Stark!", so apparently he's one of the so-called Avengers. Rocket doesn't care, he looks behind them and a sinking feeling fills him when no one else follows.

"Where are the others?" he asks, looking at Nebula. He doesn't like the fact that she's purposely avoiding looking at him. The human looks at him though, and Rocket hates the grief he can see in the man's eyes.

"Where are they, Nebula!?" he demands. He knows the answer. He knows, but he wants to be wrong. He wants her to deny it. He knows she won't.

"They're gone. I'm sorry." Is all she'll say.

It's the human who eventually gives the whole story. Thanos sacrificed Gamora for the soul stone, Quill, Drax, and Mantis turned into dust. Just like Groot. There was some wizard and spider kid who got dusted too, but Rocket doesn't care about them. His team, his family is gone. He'd told Thor before that he personally had a lot to lose. Now he's lost it all.

Groot, Yondu, Groot again, Gamora, Quill, Drax, Mantis… all of them are on the second list now. And it hurts. He's almost willing to say that it hurts more than anything those scientists ever did to him.

The human, Stark, says that the wizard only saw one outcome where they won and apparently this was the only way. Rocket laughs. It earns him some looks, but he doesn't care. The wizard is an idiot and he tells them so. There is no way that the only way they win is by his entire family ending up dead and him still being alive.

Thor comments that fate must want them to be the ones to end Thanos.

Rocket is pretty sure that fate hates him.

Exactly what had he done that caused the universe to decide to punish him? He didn't ask to be made. He couldn't be blamed for that. So why did he have to keep losing everything?

The Avengers want to avenge their friends, and their planet, so Rocket is willing to stay with them, because he needs to avenge his family. He should probably avenge the galaxy as well if he's going to keep counting himself as one of the Guardians of the Galaxy, but at this point he doesn't care much about the rest of the galaxy. He's never been the most altruistic and that's certainly not changing now.

Rocket knows that it's going to be suicide, or maybe it won't be for him since the universe can't seem to cut him a break. He feels bad for the Avengers, because they're going to hate him before this is all over with. He's not adding anyone else to any lists. Rocket's going back to old habits. He won't care, he'll push away.

He's done with loss. He's not getting hurt again.


End file.
